Actor's LOCKED ROOM script

[Actor]

INT. A HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Victor Smith lies sleeping in the bed.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Victor reaches sleepily for the phone and manages to answer after the third ring.

VICTOR
Hello.

FRONT (Over phone)
Good morning Mr. Smith. This is the front desk with your 7:00 a.m. wake up call.

VICTOR
Thank you.

Victor hangs up phone. Gets up. Goes into bathroom.

Sounds of

WATER STRIKING WATER

TOOTH BRUSHING

GARGLING

TOILET FLUSH.

SHOWER

Victor emerges from bathroom with towel around his middle.

DISSOLVE TO

Victor fully dressed.

Final check of his sartorial splendor in mirror.

He grabs briefcase and goes to door.

He opens the door, but the chain stops it.

Small laugh from Victor.

He closes the door. Undoes chain.

Tries to turn knob. It won't budge.

He tries again. Nothing.

He tries turning off the "Do not disturb" sigh. Nothing.

He goes back, sets briefcase on dresser.

Picks up phone. Dials 0.

Sound of RINGING on other end.

FRONT (over phone)
Front desk.

VICTOR
Yes. This is Mr. Smith in 507. I seem to be locked in.

FRONT
Locked in?

VICTOR
Yes, the doorknob will not turn and I can't get out.

FRONT
Can't get out?

VICTOR
Right. So can you send someone up with a key to let me out?

FRONT
Let you out?

VICTOR
(exasperated)
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

FRONT
The sea shore?

VICTOR
Listen...listen very carefully. Please send someone up to room 507, with a key, and let me out.

FRONT
Let you out?

VICTOR
Yes, the doorknob is jammed and I can't get out.

FRONT
Ah, your doorknob is jammed.

VICTOR
Yes!

FRONT
I'm afraid the superintendent is booked until 2:00 this afternoon.

VICTOR
Look, I'm not asking you to fix the damned toilet. I just want someone to let me out of the room.

FRONT
You're having problems with your toilet. I'll make a note of that. We should have it fixed by this afternoon.

Over Victor's shoulder the door opens and a maid comes in, pushing a cart in front of her.

VICTOR
No. There's nothing wrong with the toilet...

He notices the maid.

VICTOR
...oh! Never mind.

MAID
Oh! I'm sorry, sir.

VICTOR
That's all right.

He pushes the cart and the maid backwards through the open door.

MAID
The "Do not disturb" sign was off, sir.

VICTOR
Briefcase!

He goes back into the room and grabs the briefcase. The maid shuts the door. Same scenario. He can't get out.

He picks up the phone. No dial tone. He taps the hook switch. Nothing.

He reaches into his pocket and gets a cell phone. Dials.

FRONT
Embarcadero Hotel.

VICTOR
This is Mr. Smith in room 507...

FRONT
I'll connect you.

VICTOR
No, wait...

PHONE RINGS

He looks at it, dumbly. After many rings he picks it up.

FEEDBACK

He puts it back.

Tosses cell phone on bed.

He goes to the window. Opens it. Looks down.

VICTOR
Five floors.

He looks back at the door. Goes over to it. Tries again.

It opens.

VICTOR
Huh!

He leaves the door ajar. Goes to dresser for his briefcase.

A puff of wind comes in through the window, causing the curtains to move and ... the door to close.

VICTOR
Noooooooooo

PHONE RINGS

VICTOR
Hello.

FEMALE VOICE
Mr. Victor Smith.

VICTOR
Yes.

FEMALE VOICE
This is Mr. Garcia's office calling to confirm your 11:00 a.m. interview.

VICTOR
Ah. Yes.

FEMALE VOICE
Good. See you then. Don't be late.

Hangs up.

He taps hook switch. Gets dial tone. Smiles. Dials

ROOM SERVICE
Room service.

VICTOR
This is Mr. Smith in room 507. I'd like breakfast.

ROOM SERVICE
I'm sorry, sir. We're no longer serving breakfast.

VICTOR
Very well. Send up lunch.

ROOM SERVICE
We won't be serving lunch for another half-hour, sir.

VICTOR
Look, send somebody up with something and there's $100 in it for them.

ROOM SERVICE
$100?

VICTOR
$200 **** it. Just get somebody up here.

ROOM SERVICE
I understand.

He hangs up the phone.

He gets the briefcase. Holds it under his arm like a quarterback with a football. Positions himself near the door, ready to strike.

A KNOCK

VICTOR
Come in.


WOMAN'S VOICE
Room service.

VICTOR
Come in.

The door opens. A WOMAN in a sexy outfit stands in the doorway. He steps outside. She pushes him back in and closes the door.

WOMAN
Are you Smith?

VICTOR
You closed the door.

Woman begins undressing.

WOMAN
Sure I did. You don't want the world to watch, do you?

VICTOR
You closed the door.

WOMAN
Cash or credit card. I don't take checks.

VICTOR
You closed the door.

WOMAN
What's with the door fetish? I mean, that's too kinky even for me.

PHONE RINGS

VICTOR
Hello.

FEMALE VOICE
Mr. Smith?

VICTOR
Yes.

FEMALE VOICE
This is Mr. Garcia's office. Something has come up and Mr. Garcia is going to have to reschedule. Can you make tomorrow afternoon about 3:00?

VICTOR
Yes, of course.

FEMALE VOICE
Wonderful. See you then.

He hangs up. Looks at the woman.

VICTOR
There is a God.

In the hallway.

The "Do not disturb" sign comes on.

FADE OUT


<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 26, 2002 09:59 AM: Message edited by: Actor ]</font>

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 26, 2002 10:01 AM: Message edited by: Actor ]</font>

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 26, 2002 10:03 AM: Message edited by: Actor ]</font>

[ac_01]

It had a very simplistic feel to it. But that was good - it made reading a lot easier. I liked the opening - it had a feeling that it was building to something. On the down side it did have a pointlessness feeling to it. I mean it didn't really go anywhere. Having said that it had its good moments.

[spaceham]

The story itself dragged a little bit but the ending was clever. Over all, quite satisfying.

[Generic Skinhead]

Very nice. Yes. The ending was a let down but everything else was good. I liked the dialogue, the situation is easy to empathise with.

It is not "pointless" He HAS to get out of the room to get to the interview, so the charachter has a real reason to get out. I felt you could have cranked it up even more though. The end sorta felt like a cop out. nOT A satisfying resolution.

The basis is there though. One of the better efoorts I'd say.

[emjen]

I liked it. Read really easily and it put a few grins on my face. It's really simple ; man want to get out and the rest of the world doesnt want him to. Simple and good.

The ending could be better of course, but for a simple script it aint that bad eh?

[Joker to the Thief]

Yeah, i liked it, some of it needs a little rewriting, but alot of how it would work would be the actor playing the man. It would definately make a good short, if it was made in the right way. As others have said a good basis for a story.

JTTF

[deanl]

Hey there.

I agree about the ending. But other than that I loved it. I like this sort of spiraling comedy. Great stuff.

You took the original idea and used it to perfection. I could see that situation going on for another ten minutes and still being funny.

With the right comedy actor it would be great.

It reminds me of a kind of Mr Bean skecth.

Despin out.

[Actor]

I'm surprised that no one picked up on what I consider to be the obvious weak point of the scipt, which is "how is it that the hotel hooker has a pass key?"

This ending is not the original ending. In the first draft he tries to get out via the ledge outside his window (thus the opening-the-window bit which is still in the script). Someone below thinks he's a jumper and calls 911. The cops talk him back into his room then put him in a straight jacket. In the end he is still in a locked room, a padded one.

I wanted to somehow leave the question open as to whether he was ever in a motel room but in a padded room all along. In the time alotted I could not figure out a way to do that that satisfied me.

In the end I changed it because I thought it too complex for a no-budget short.

[GREATwarEAGLE]

Like I stated in the super 8 post (homage=theft?) , I did enjoy this script. But I interpreted it as a farce, or absurdist comedy. The logic wasn't exactly reality-based so I never questioned the ease of the girl's access.

And since you mention it, the only problems I had with the script were just technical. Having only read it once, your choice to italicize the action seems a little self-conscious.
The script is strong enough to stand alone, without any superficial bells and whistles.

You're wise enough not to include camera direction (pan to, pull back , push in, close-up,etc) and the redundant "we see" or "we hear".

But there is a DISSOLVE TO. I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm reading a script and come to DISSOLVE TO, I don't pause and imagine a dissolve. I simply continue reading, ignoring it.

I don't know if you, Actor, are really an actor, or an aspiring actor, or if that just happens to be the name you've given yourself, but the parenthetical on how the character says his/her line is also unnecessary. Not only do most actors cringe when they read it, but it takes the fun away, and restricts the spontaneity of being in the moment.

I really hadn't planned on commenting on your script. It was only after you posted what you thought were the weaknesses that I gave it some thought.

Off the top of my head, two things I did like were the "sea shells..." and the guy positioning himself like a football player (did you mean Quarterback or Running Back?) And it's always nice to read a script from someone who understands the power of simplicity and brevity.

Unfortunately, I deleted both my scripts a couple days ago if you wanted to comment on mine (to be fair). But I could always re-post.

[Actor]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
your choice to italicize the action seems a little self-conscious
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Seems to me that something has to be done to distinguish action from dialog. After composing this thing (or any script) off-line copying and pasting it to the forum destroys all the indentation. In HTML there are is a tag to preserve the formatting but I don't know of a similar tag in UBB.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
did you mean Quarterback or Running Back?
</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>
You've got me. I know little about football, but I have observed that they cradle the ball under one arm and hold it with both hands, a technique I assume is supposed to help them hold onto it when they get hit.